Crying on the Inside, Broke on the Outside

As I sit here cuddled up in my bed on a Sunday afternoon, doing countless hours of reports for work (on my day off), it strikes me.. whats this all even about? I’m 22, working in retail, working to live, living with 3 roommates and having Ginger Ale for breakfast. Is this what being a graduate is like? Why aren’t I following my dreams? Why am I so worried about paying rent? When did staying on top of my bills become more important than what fulfills my heart and soul? I feel like I’m just passing time, waiting for the next step.

Everyone waits for something. Waiting to graduate, waiting to move out, waiting to get married, waiting for the next pay check. Life is literally a waiting game, most people don’t get out of bed in the morning and feel satisfied about their life. They wake up with a to do list, a worry list, a “shit I knew I should have done that yesterday but I was napping list”. But realistically, if your getting out of bed in the morning you’re already winning. The glorified struggle of being a twenty-something is every where these days. Being a hopeless twenty-something is the cool thing to do, and I absolutely fall into the category;

Example of Typical 22 year Old Behaviour When Embarking On A New Day:

Alarm goes off:  F***, NOT THIS AGAIN

-Time to wash my face with the Proactiv I borrow from my roommate, because teenage acne actually just means lifetime acne. I have to borrow the Proactiv because alas, I cannot afford my own

-Whats for breakfast? An egg. Cool. Why don’t I have any food again? Decided sweet outfits were more important than nutrition (again)

-Getting dressed: Why did I pay so much for clothes with holes everywhere? I am literally paying to look homeless, lets think about that. Because fashion. (My parents will never understand)

-Time to leave the house: pocket check looking for my lifelines (AKA phone AKA more important than my mother who birthed me, my keys and my Metropass)

-Transit to work, praying the homeless man eating newspaper across from me doesn’t strike up a conversation

-Go to work: AKA rent payer. Ask any retail worker, food industry worker, paper pusher or grocery store clerk, it is most likely a means to an end.

AFTER WORK: -too broke for post work drinks so this leaves:

-going to dinner and having someone else pay (amen for boyfriends)

-drinking wine in bed with netflix

-drinking wine and reading

-drinking wine and doing laundry

-staying up stupidly late for no reason lurking around the depths of the internet and regretting it the next morning

Enough about the daily thought process of the 22 year old white girl who thinks life is hard. I’ve actually learned somethings over the past 6 months about being young and irresponsible, pretending to be responsible. Life is hard. Life doesn’t go easy on you. Every day is a test. But if you can laugh about it, you can live through it.

-your passion is allowed to take the back burner while your learning to be an adult

-don’t lose sight of your goals

-fall in love (while sober), or don’t date at all, who cares, just don’t Tinder

-don’t waste your time with people who don’t have your best interest in mind

-always laugh at yourself before others

-if you can only afford Kraft Dinner, literally only your parents will judge you

-this will probably be the most pathetic time in your life to please live to the fullest

-say yes to every opportunity that will build your resume

-working 2 or 3 jobs is a good idea for a while..don’t make it your career

-sleep is important but slightly overrated

-if you find a good roommate, stick with them, Kijiji doesn’t always have the best candidates

-I am living proof its possible to live without cable

-share your struggle with your family and friends, they want to laugh at you just as much as you think

This is living.

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