Beer Butler Boy

This past weekend I had another weekend of family fun (I meant it when I said most of my friends are related to me). We were all invited to my Uncle’s cottage up in the North Kawarthas, AKA the boonies. When we arrived my 16 year old cousin was pretty enthusiastic about grabbing everyone beers, which at first I thought was a bit odd, but then realized it was so he could also partake as his parents gave him a two tallboy limit. I think that that is pretty generous considering I can remember a time when four of my friends and I chipped in to have a 19 year old boy buy us a 26er of watermelon vodka that we ended up drinking in broad daylight behind a public school. So I’m all for controlling alcohol consumption in a judgement free environment.

Our first night there ended pretty early as we didn’t arrive until ten o’clock at night and the roller coaster of a ride with all four sets of eyes on the pitch black road in front of us was pretty mentally exhausting. We kept joking about someone or something jumping out of the bushes, we saw a car stalled on the side of the road and we had to go over a hill that requires you to honk your horn before approaching because it is so steep and narrow. Needless to say, we needed our beds to prepare for our family day of fun (from here on known as FDOF) on Saturday.

We woke up nice and early and had a big family breakfast to start out FDOF, by 11am it turned into Twisted Tea o’clock while the parents were out for a boat ride, and was quickly followed by endless amounts of beer. After our own boat ride we decided it was time for water sports! Now, I don’t do sports, much less water sports, so everyone was anticipating me intaking half of the lake and making a fool out of myself, maybe even tears, who knows. After some liquid courage and realizing EVERYONE was doing it (even my accident prone and uncoordinated Dad), I agreed to water ski. I only fell once at the beginning and then stayed up for one entire lap around the lake. It was only one lap because the whole time I was skiing I was yelling “I WANNA GO HOME, TAKE ME HOME” because I knew that I had succeeded and I didn’t want to push my luck by doing another lap. Meanwhile, my sister, who eats nails for breakfast, who once got in trouble at school for running behind a kid yelling “nerd alert, nerd alert”, who is in her best physical shape and dominated on inflatable day, COULD NOT GET THE HANG OF IT!!!! Yes I am gloating, because when she finally got back to shore and claimed she had ‘half of the lake’s water up her butt’ (because she kept falling), she couldn’t believe that I was better than her at something. I guess we all have hidden talents, one point for me on this FDOF.

Anyways, back to my 16 year old cousin, who had been continuing his butler boy duties as the weekend went on. Note that my uncle’s cottage is built on top of a hill, with a rocky decline that has a lot of steps down to the dock. Anytime anyone went up we would holler from the top asking who would want a refill. Well Owen went up, maybe once an hour, and the strategy was that every time he went up to grab us beers, he would chug one. Now I would like to point out we did not teach him anything, he brought his own chugging and shot gun skills to the table, we just slightly enabled it. And by we I mean mostly my sister’s boyfriend as he doesn’t travel anywhere without 36 beers, Amen. Now I’m not going to say how many beers he snuck, but lets say he did anywhere from 8-13 trips, FDOF. The occasional time we could sneak away from the adults and not be noticed, we went up for some shot guns, but other than that we kept it pretty PG and under the radar. Now I know my uncle said he knew what was going on, but he must not have been able to put two and two together until the next day when he was sorting through the recycling bin and saw all the cans with holes in them. By the end of the night Owen visibly had only had two beers so technically to the Aunt and Uncle eye we were obeying the laws, but even he admits by the end of the night he was getting pretty rowdy.

If there are any original Rapunzel’s Reality fans here you might remember Owen from one of my posts a few years ago (Twelve Year Old Trouble). Same kid, hilarious and now drinks like a true member of the family. FDOF was a true success, and I don’t want it to seem like we need alcohol to have fun, but when your trying to prove yourself in water sports (also rocked at tubing), it definitely helps.

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